[ though he still feels cross when his tomestone pings again unexpectedly, viktor cannot help the faint smile that appears on his face upon reading the message. ]
among the scullery maids, yes. i quite liked the bounce of it. like something out of Ishgard - popping over to Lady Hortense's for lunchtime tea and a bonk. and 'twas second only to "touring one's root cellar" which was, i must tell you, a terribly confusing conversation. as we were literally touring the root cellar when it was being discussed. which does in fact have a concealed passageway, as an aside. i didn't have the opportunity to venture through it. sensed it, only.
i hope you've found something more exciting than pastures in your wandering?
[ He'd taken a shard's hands for the sin of touching; Emet-Selch cannot stop rolling that potential in his mind as he thinks about the little lordling groping at that which is not his. To take his hands would be nothing. At least then he'd learn not to touch what is not his, and if he didn't, well. The problem solved itself. ]
The lack of Ascians, I'd wager. To be clear - I do not mean to insinuate we did not cause trouble where it suited. But shepherding and ensuring the longevity of those on relevant shards was as much a part of duty as aught else.
[ Admittedly, just to keep the rejoining easier to manage, to make certain that there was still a world to rejoin, but the point still stands. The tomestone is set aside for the time being while he washes, lingering in the hot water longer than is necessary, loathe to get out into the chill air of the borrowed rooms. Less than eager to put back on the name and face of someone he is no longer, no matter how necessary it may be. ]
The easiest option, I think, would be for us to finalize our business here and leave for a spell. On our return - laden with useful items imported from far away, we would have less questions to answer about the acquisition of those goods.
A root cellar and concealed passageway within the palace? Were there any other locations?
My first inclination would be to assume that it was a convenience - often, those in power who do not wish to see the help will install them in their buildings. Breakfast would arrive without ever having to see or give much thought to those who made and delivered it. He seems the sort.
I would have an easier time exploring the root cellars than you would, if we are so inclined.
[ He has not been inclined to teach Viktor invisibility. The last thing he needs is for Viktor to grasp the concept so well he can hide himself from Emet-Selch. ]
does that mean you have turned up nothing regarding your former colleagues? mayhap the realm's fallen heroes managed a blade of light, though i saw nothing in any of the tapestries indicating as much. a tavern visit may be worth it, in that case. to hear how adventurers tell the tale.
[ nevermind the fact that he's heard they brew liquors from lichen, and that sound so positively vile he cannot wait to try some.
with a host of small adjustments made to the castle greenhouse, and the glass dome growing too dark to do anything else effectively, viktor bundles himself back up and ventures out into the night, making for his room once more before his royal pest can seek him out. ]
aye, i've no complaints with that plan. 'twould be nice to help the folk more, but i fear what getting embroiled here would do were we called urgently to return to the First.
the air coming in smelled too earthy. and damp and old and not near as cold as the rest of the palace air. i think it goes deeper, not into the castle. aside from that, the lord's library has a host of interesting tapestries dating back centuries. they are hung in somewhat strange places. perhaps local custom, but concealing shelves, or hung so low they skirt the floors. i do wonder whether more secrets hide behind them.
'twould be interesting to see where the passage goes, at least. but i am cold, and would like to warm myself first.
I would caution you against attempting to solve all of this shard's issues. Some are beyond our time and ability to handle and you are correct that the First might require us more.
As to the smell - you believe it lies beneath the castle? And that the hidden walkways might lead a path down?
[ he's going to be very irritated if it would have been useful to teach viktor invisibility. the next bit, he types. deletes. they are still on unsteady ground. ]
Were the air clearer between us, I might have suggested the timing could have aligned so that we could have shared a bath. As it is, I find myself uncertain if the insinuation would be welcome.
very ominous of you. [ but he had promised deference here. stormy feelings aside, he does not doubt that Emet-Selch will handle this with care, far more deftly than Viktor would. if he needs a sword for this matter, he will let Viktor know. ]
no. i agree. [ ... ] mayhap i will regret my cruelty. i certainly feel some guilt over it, but i am loathe to make myself indispensable to another shard right now. they've their own heroes. and i am content to teach what gardening and healing i can, for now.
aye. to be specific. i wonder whether the path to the Sea the lordling lays claim over isn't right under his nose.
[ viktor reads the last message twice when it comes through, but does not respond. leaves it unanswered as he climbs the stairs to their split quarters. there, he wastes a few more seconds quibbling, but it does not take him long to realize what he wants.
still in his traveling garb, he raps his knuckles against their shared door. ]
If you'd still have me, I would be amenable to a soak. [ A pause, his forehead touching the door. ] Would you wash my hair?
[ He is not responsible, but would still allow this sliver of himself to linger, out of...what, guilt? Duty? Emet-Selch cannot quite blame him; it was not a surprise that once again, this shard had carved out a place as a hero. ]
They are useful skills, especially given their situation.
[ What else is he to say? He's made the offer and half-thinks that there's no way he will be taken up on it. Viktor has people to see. Chores to do. Emet-Selch has suggested the unthinkable casually enough the mention nearly started a fight. Now, he's suggested something else that is entirely different and unthinkable, and there's no response. Foolish. He ought to have known.
Weary down to his bones slouches into the warmth of the water and stretches out, toes barely grazing the stone edge of the tub. If he thought the floors at the Crystarium would hold, he would create and install something half as large. And then, a knock. Emet-Selch rolls his eyes to the ceiling, fully intent on ignoring it until he hears Viktor's voice and abruptly the half-hearted offer is no longer a failed attempt and he must contend with seeing the offer through. It will not be, he thinks, such a hardship, even if the idea of going from countless layers between them to exactly none makes his stomach hot and tight in a way that isn't quite discomfort. Folding both arms on the stone lip and propping his chin atop them, he calls, ]
Only if you make haste before the bath loses most of its heat. If you've a preference on bathing supplies, you ought to bring those, as well.
[ The drain he tugs clean to start emptying the cooling, used water, and the bronze spigot creaks as it's turned back on with a nudge to spit steaming water to replenish what he's draining.
Then, he sits, feeling horrifically bare, and after a beat of hesitation and feeling ridiculous for nudging enough salts into the water to obscure the contents at least a little. ]
[ though he's been bidden to be quick, Viktor does not rush. he climbs out of his boots, unwinds his lengthy scarf and drapes it over the vanity after stealing a glance at his reflection -- wind blown hair, face flush from the cold, a smudge of dirt he wipes off his cheek.
his quarters are less impressive than the ones granted to Emet-Selch. too reluctant, for myriad reasons, to put a name to what they are - partners? consorts? lovers? it is at once deeper than all of those things and still too indefinite to name precisely. the lordling, eager to stake a claim, had assumed viktor the steward, the merchant's valet, and granted the adjoining servant's quarters. which are fine with viktor. if Emet-Selch wants to share a bed, after, well. he will decide whether or not to cross that bridge when he arrives at it.
right now, his heart is thundering, so loud as to be frankly unnecessary. this is not the first man he's seen naked. not the first person he's bathed with. there is no reason for his skin to prickle as he gathers up his few soaps, his robe and pajamas. after another second wasted thinking, he also scoops up the bottle of wine he'd received as thanks for his part in delivering the merchant's dyes -- green and purple and red dyes he'd just happened to have in his pack.
only once his arms are full does he finally return to the door separating them. a steeling breath, and then he passes through. slow, as though he needs to give Emet-Selch more time to change his mind and send him away.
his quarters are warm for the steam already filling the room, a welcome relief. and there he is, unmissable, on the other side from the door. submerged in cloudy, fragrant water, steam wafting around him. his neck is beautiful, bare shoulders moreso. the sight catches viktor's breath and holds it high in his throat. ]
Oh. You are you. [ he allows himself to sound surprised, but hides his relief as best he can. he could admit to himself that the sight of Hades back in that old form had felt...strange. he had prepared himself to be revolted, angry, even frightened. that he had felt none of those things upon looking at him had been the only certain thing he'd allowed himself to feel.
he sorts through his possessions, trying to force his lungs to work. leaves his robes and pajamas on the room's table, rather than Emet-Selch's bed - not ready to think himself welcome there, quite yet. then, with nowhere else to waste time, he finally approaches the impressively large stone tub, sets his soaps and the unopened bottle of wine on the nearby shelf, within reach and kneels, deliberately slow.
viktor undoes two of the toggles holding his robes closed, then lets his fingers drop to toy with the surface of the water. he steals the quickest glance down, but sees nothing for the fog of salts. ]
I've a few c-clasps that need undoing. [ he angles himself, showing off buckles he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. softly, over the heavy thud of his heartbeat rattling in his ears, he asks, ] Would you?
[ The tub has been emptied mostly and filled again by the time Viktor deigns to open the adjoining door, so long that Emet-Selch wonders if he's thought better of it. He would understand if so. As convenient as it is to have two different rooms for storing items, Emet-Selch mislikes the misinterpretation. Mislikes even more the fact that he wants to vehemently defend something as fledgling as what they have.
Something in him squirms, pleased that Viktor does not sound disappointed to find him himself. It was not so difficult to wear Solus again. Maybe he would feel less...this if he hadn't found putting that persona on so easy, or the gulch between them so small. ]
I am myself. 'Tis a trifle to make the change as needed.
[ But he would prefer to be himself, here and now. Especially for something as intimate as a bath, as shedding literal layers down to skin. At least already being in the bath makes the process a touch easier; he needn't feel ridiculous about undressing.
The wine is given a brief, appraising glance before Emet-Selch turns a steady gaze on Viktor and looks, intentional, deliberate. Marks the undoing of a few toggles on his robes and how close Viktor lingers, and finds that his earlier irritation has not necessarily waned but neither does it do anything to cool the heat curling in his stomach. At least his hands are dry; it doesn't take effort to reach out and start thumbing them open bit by bit. ]
Of course, your hands haven't warmed enough to manage the rest of the buckles.
[ If his fingers linger against the graceful line of Viktor's throat or drift up a little higher to nudge curls out of the way, well, he does not think Viktor will object, necessarily. When he's finished with the shirt he props his elbow up on the lip and places his chin in his palm, watching, intent unless Viktor tells him not to. There's no disgust to be found, even when he anticipates and searches for it. Burned to cinders by the heat the bath does nothing to stifle.
Reaching for the wine so he does not do something drastically inadvisable like graze a touch over Viktor's trousers, flush with the certainty the touch would be allowed, welcomed, in a way the spoiled princeling's hands would never be, Emet-Selch debates creating glasses. Decides just as quickly as he has the thought not to.
The label is unpeeled with surgical precision, maintaining the brand information and wax stamp, but the cork he thumbs out thoughtlessly, settling the open wine bottle back on the lip for Viktor to taste first once he finishes divesting himself of clothing. ]
Before the bath chills too much. [ a pause as he settles himself into a lazy drape along the lip, chin atop folded arms once again, indulgent. ] Would you prefer I not watch?
[ Emet-Selch touches him, fingers flashing against skin as he undoes the little metal bindings holding Viktor's clothes - his composure - together, and he exhales, low, slow. Heat he'd thought chilled out of him by the cold, by their terse exchange earlier, breathed out as though it might burn if allowed to escape too quickly.
Talk is messy, rife with misunderstandings. Too many words, meaning too many things, too easy to talk around honest feeling. Touch, though - he knows touch, and is all too ready to forget hurt and fear and anger if it means he can be warmed by a body he loves, to feel as though he is more than enough, just as he is, for a man who had once known his own version of paradise.
In another wing of the estate, an unfit princeling makes plans to charm his unusual guest. Here, now, Viktor doesn't think of him at all, stares into firefly eyes, lit brighter than he remembers, and shrugs his robes down off his shoulders, exposing clavicles. ]
I would prefer you watch.
[ Before the bath chills too much - as though between the two of them there wasn't talent enough to heat the water with a thought. A faint smile plays across Viktor's face as he wraps his arms around his torso to hold his robes closed and rises. Unrushed, he turns, showing Emet-Selch his back, and allows his robes to fall a little further, to his elbows, skin of his shoulders prickling to gooseflesh from the cold, but flush with excitement.
Yes. They had argued. Yes, it had left him sullen and Emet-Selch surely irritated, but Viktor will not allow them to linger there. This moment, long, long awaited will not be anything less than joyful. With teasing intent, he wriggles out of his trousers, his stockings, hiding the awkward movement behind flourishes of his coattails, tossing each item over the back of the room's lone armchair with an exaggerated fling of his hand -- an improvised little dance for Emet-Selch's amusement.
Lower drop the robes once he is free of his leggings, gathering at his waist, held in place by one arm. He peels himself out of the hempen undershirt, stretches, because he has seen how many pages of Emet-Selch's sketchbook contain quick drawings of flexing shoulder muscles, and finally turns to face him again.
Here, Viktor pauses to grasp the wine bottle by the neck, and in so doing, allows his robes to drop to the floor. He grins, knowingly, as he lifts the bottle to his lips for a drink - because today, it just so happens, he is wearing smalls. He is, of course, something of a sculpted work, all lean muscle and gentle lines. Freckle dappled skin free of scar and blemish, save a few places where the veins beneath his skin are not veins but green vines, the threat of sprouting flowers ever present. ]
It's bleeding c-cold. [ He complains, this stutter more a shiver, as though he isn't the one holding himself hostage in the icy air right now. The wine is nice, though. Warming. Sweet. He sets the bottle down and hooks a thumb into the waistband of his perfectly ordinary hempen bloomers. This is nothing Emet-Selch has not seen before, but it has been moons since their first and frenzied "lesson" - it feels like a lifetime ago. Like Emet-Selch, like Hades, looks at him with new eyes, seeing for the first time. And so, Viktor gives the moment the time he thinks it is due, slowly hiking down his smalls and stepping out of them once they've hit the floor.
He elects to sit on the edge of the tub, giving Emet-Selch ample time to observe him as he turns, hissing as he slips his legs into water that feels almost too hot when compared to the frigid cold air. He becomes aware, abruptly, of how heavy the beat of his heart is, how shallow his breathing. Viktor lights his fingers on Emet-Selch's hair, forgetting entirely how to be charming or brave. Afraid, for the briefest moment, that Emet-Selch will see him here at a precipice, toes dangling over the cliff's edge, and decide he is not ready - decide he is still angry, still disgusted, repulsed. ]
[ Good, he thinks. He wouldn't want to. Perhaps later that will be a fun subject to play with, the wretched Solus-Emet-Selch and the hero the Warrior of Light, but right now he thinks that subject far too sensitive, like pressing fingers into a purpling bruise, or spreading salt into a wound. Better here and now that they are themselves, as much as they can be.
Viktor makes a show of disrobing and Emet-Selch watches intently, a scene, a play, a skit only meant for his eyes. They are, he thinks, both of them playing a bit of a part, people who know what they are doing in a situation like this. Ridiculous, to have thousands of years of memory at his beck and call and to feel that all of it is insufficient, that he is starting from the first step, attempting to make up for lost time and rusted experience.
There have been countless times he's utilized intimacy - not involving him, necessarily, but orchestrating it between others, to achieve his ends. To avoid a serious discussion and sensitive subject through distractions of the flesh is not healthy, but it is, he thinks useful. Effective. ]
We'll have issues if you decide to make a mess inside my quarters each time you disrobe.
[ Mildly, as he takes the wine Viktor's set back down and carefully tilts a mouthful's worth to taste, thinking at length about the lean muscles of Viktor's shoulders and arms, the narrow line of his waist and how good his hands would look upon all the bare, warm skin within reach. He swallows the wine, realizing only belatedly he hadn't tasted it at all, had been far too distracted watching Viktor sling clothing about willy-nilly. He is, Emet-Selch notes with amusement, wearing smalls. Too cold not to, he supposes, and watches soft cloth make its way down long legs, fully forgetting to breathe until the motion is complete.
He's miscalculated - he's spent too much time studying Viktor, drinking in the sight of him that he hasn't thought about the action, the steps to take to facilitate anything other than ogling him like a youth. Viktor rests fingertips against the crown of his head, settled on the stone that cannot be terribly warm on the outside and Emet-Selch gives into the insane impulse to press his mouth against the malms of bare skin presented to him. Water sloshes as he moves, gliding a hand up Viktor's back to trace the knobs of his spine and he lays a kiss at the swell of a thigh, and another against the faintest imprint where Viktor's smalls had pressed into his skin, lingering. He'd forgotten just how much he enjoys the smell of Viktor despite, or perhaps especially because of a day of tasks, duties. Chores. He wants to wash Viktor's hair. Wants to do what he hadn't allowed himself earlier, to look and touch, and it feels all the more satisfying to do it and know there's someone else here who wants at least half as badly and would never stand a chance.
Emet-Selch tilts his head, resting it upon a folded arm on the lip of the tub once again, the hand attached running lazily up and down Viktor's flank, relaxed despite everything. ]
Did you intend to join at any point, or were you enjoying freezing so much you thought to do it naked?
How long had he feared this thing between them temporary? For moons, after caution gave way to care, even as it slipped into love, he had doubted. He would not, could not pour his heart into this, would not grasp Emet-Selch with the intention of holding him here when there was love for him, rest for him, elsewhere. Would not impose. Would not take up space.
But- Why? Why keep himself small? Why risk everything but his heart, when this is exactly where his heart belongs?
Emet-Selch's lips taste dizzyingly sensitive skin and Viktor drags his fingernails over his scalp, encouraging. Another kiss draws a bright sigh from his lips, louder than it might have been otherwise, breathed with a grin - the servants will have their gossip. Mayhap it will find their lord, even. Gratifying. Enboldening.
He will take up space. He will grasp, intending to hold. He will leave a mark on Emet-Selch's life. ]
You- you could do with a few more messes in your life, I th-think. Smaller ones. Simpler ones.
[ Viktor moves his hand to the dip at the base of his throat, then lower, pressing gently to ease him back. ] I should make you try and pull me in, f-frankly. [ But he doesn't. Slides off the edge of the tub, slow, so that the steaming water does not splash as it is displaced. Into Emet-Selch's space, straddling one of his legs. He shuts his eyes, welcoming the indulgence as his hand slips down, throat to chest, chest to- something unexpected.
The mark he's left on Emet-Selch's life.
Viktor opens his eyes and stares down at his fingertips, skirting the glossy edges of scarred skin. Though his lips part, his breath catches, and he thinks to pull away - as though touching the healed wound might hurt one or both of them - but he stops himself. He doesn't want to. ]
Hades. [ Soft, little more than a whisper, his ears twitch and then ease back. Where he expects guilt, shame, all the unwelcome feelings that come with remembering what had brought them to that point, he finds relief, curiosity, and a strange, gilded sort of fire coming to life in his chest. ] This- this is...
[ Grumbling, but toothless, his head tilting thoughtlessly into the warm press of Viktor's fingers against his scalp. Emet-Selch shifts to accommodate Viktor as he finally slips into the bathwater and feels instantly foolish for the mistake of not warning him, for not remembering how he had chosen to recreate his form. Hiding the mark felt disingenuous and foolish once he'd made the offer and he had not considered wanting as badly as he did, despite having a baseline to operate off of.
At least Viktor is not upset at the sight. He seems rather the opposite of upset, if Emet-Selch is any good at reading him, which he thinks at this point he should be proficient in and is much easier when one is naked in every sense of the word. ]
Do you take issue? [ He doesn't quite squirm under the pressure of Viktor's hand but it is a close thing. Would that Viktor could reach into his chest and grasp his heart; he sometimes thinks it would be easier to have a physical manifestation to look at, to parade about to other people. To himself, when he thinks too long and too hard about how much everything has changed and is left wondering if this is really the way forward.
He'd added the salts to make the water cloudier, which only upon Viktor's weight settling more fully on him does he realize was useless. Feeling so much bare skin pressed against his own is countless times more intimate than the simple act of seeing. Gently, to steady Viktor and because now that he has Viktor so close the idea of not touching him is unthinkable, Emet-Selch curves both hands over his hips, fingers rubbing idle circles against warm skin. ]
You're - [ he pauses, mulling over a dozen different options and finds all of them insufficient, settling for the one that will prevent the silence from being long, uncomfortable. declaration, quiet, certain, not a question: ] - lovely. So there is no doubt.
[ Such certainty in him, so much so that he does not feel even a flicker of guilt, even though he thinks that perhaps he would be justified if he did. His mind races, trying to pinpoint meaning and sense as he delicately traces the upper outline of the incredible wound he'd inflicted, once upon a time.
Then, abruptly, his mind stills.
Emet-Selch's palms settle against the curve of his body, and for a few seconds Viktor can think of nothing but hands large enough to near wreath him where his body dips outward, holding him steady, coaxing his breath shallow with simple, rhythmic movement. This body has waited moons - the soul, literal ages for this much closeness, this much contact. He calls him lovely, and Viktor wonders whether he can feel, beneath his fingers, the way his stomach seems to tighten with want. ]
I am lovely. [ He agrees with a crooked grin, inching closer. ] And you are- you are the moon. Something to write poetry about, to study for lifetimes. [ Viktor settles his hands over Emet-Selch's, not to move them or to stop that hypnotic little motion, but to hold him in place as he says, ] Rumored to drive certain men absolutely mad.
[ It feels a safe thing to allude to his sulking, stormy mood after their argument in so light a way. Especially when he chases it with movement, letting Emet-Selch's hands glide over his body as he turns between them, then settling in, sinking into the water and gingerly pressing his back to Emet-Selch's chest. For a brief, heart-fluttering moment, he feels almost faint for how close they are, skin to skin, without barriers.
Eventually, he realizes he isn't breathing, and steals a gulp of air as he leands the back of his head against Emet-Selch's shoulder, one ear lazily flopping into the water. He stares up at him, mismatched eyes tracing his unbearably handsome profile, trying to pinpoint all the places he wants to kiss and in what order he'd like to accomplish those tasks. ]
I do not- I've not got the right words, but. The scar - 'tis proof of what set us on even footing once more. 'Tis the beginning our new start, aye? [ Viktor dips in, brushing his lips against the point where Emet-Selch's jaw and neck meet. ] Was it always there? I mean- since I c-called you back. I only- I noticed your hands are more calloused, and your eyes... the glow.
[ Viktor sinks in against him and Emet-Selch gingerly settles back against the stone lip seat, reclining until the two of them can rest comfortably against each other, slotting into place with ginger care. Malms of bare, soft skin pressed against his own, the heat of the bathwater near-perfect, and for a moment he can almost forget where they are. What they must do. For a sliver of an instant, he doesn't think about duty or obligation, he focuses on the simple pleasure of running his hand up and down Viktor's flank, savoring the weight of him.
The moon to Viktor's sun. There's no spitefulness, no jealousy that arises at the echo of what once was, fundamentally changed by thousands of years. Emet-Selch stretches his legs out, adjusts Viktor a little more comfortably where he reclines, and then greedily, selfishly, winds both arms around him and lets his chin rest against Viktor's mussed curls. ]
One would have to be a little mad to consider what you do on a daily basis.
[ Whether that is intimacy like this with a former enemy, or trotting about different shards, attempting to undo the greatest wrong that has ever been perpetuated upon them, it doesn't matter. Madness either way, Emet-Selch thinks, lifting his hand from the bathwater to trace the smattering of freckles upon Viktor's shoulder with damp fingertips, shuddering out a breath at the press of Viktor's lips. ]
I tired of...making myself less than what I was. [ They had needed to when they arrived in the First - he could not distract from the Warrior, had to be careful not to lose Viktor any trust by being his companion. Now, he thinks, they've achieved enough he can walk amongst them as himself and there is no mistrust. There ought to be, maybe. He half-expects them to have some sort of sense-memory with him, aware he was responsible for most of their ills, but it did not happen. Does not happen. ] Foolish as it was, I thought it fitting. Indicative of the past and the present.
[ Embraced, surrounded, Viktor exhales pure pleasure, soft little sing-song sounds drawn out of him each time Emet-Selch shifts the two of them, dithering into a hum when his arms wrap around him. No hesitation, in spite of their earlier argument. No worry, no dread, just the two of them pressed close, the stead beat of Emet-Selch's heart against his back, palms at his stomach coaxing desire ever so slowly, deliciously, toward a crackling bonfire.
Even half a turn ago, it would have been unthinkable - not just this, the two of them tangled up, luxuriating in the largest bath Viktor has ever seen, but, more precisely, the absence of guilt, of anxiety. Short though his life has been, both in the grand scheme of things and even for a viera, Viktor had never known much in the way of security. Has never - not with anyone - been comfortable enough to argue, to resist, and know, without a doubt, that he would still be kept, still be loved, not be punished or cast out.
Never, not with anyone - until now.
Emet-Selch dances fingers over his shoulders, inventing constellations of goosebumps and freckles, and Viktor tips his head to give him space to explore. One hand drifts down to his thigh, running fingers along the length of it, the other leaves the water, reaching up to cup his face, tipping it to get a better look at him. The breath he exhales is hot with want, but when he speaks, it is only gentle, adoring. ]
Good. You should not h-hide yourself. Not for anyone. [ Viktor stares up at him, expression serious. ] And I do not think it foolish. Scars are stories. And that story- well- [ His expression smooths, grin easing across his features, fingers pressing at Emet-Selch's thigh. ] -quite the harrowing tale, but it tells of how you came to be mine. And so, I am f-fond.
[ In the past, when he lounged in a bath to stay away from anyone and everyone, he had music playing on an orchestrion. While he very much enjoyed being alone and not having to deal with anyone's petty grievances, the silence he found less welcome and so he filled it. It isn't until that moment he realizes he hasn't needed one since Viktor planted himself neatly into Emet-Selch's life, his quarters.
He likes how noisy Viktor is when he does nothing more than exist. The absolute opposite of death, embodying light and life and what they were striving to maintain and save. Emet-Selch presses his face into the warm stretch of skin from shoulder to jawline, inhales long and slow and then tips his head in accommodation when Viktor's fingers coax him to move. ]
I find that being myself is - unfamiliar. [ Not an excuse, but a quiet admission, his brows drawing tight before he seems to shake the frustration off as best as he can, instead studying the splash of freckles, the way waterdroplets cling, the dim lighting playing across his skin. He has ever been his duty, but once, he thinks he had known how to maintain duty and sense of self, even if that sense of self had been inextricably twined up in Hythlodaeus and Aepymetes. To their detriment, perhaps. Inhaling, he holds the breath for an instant and then releases, lifting a damp hand to smooth through Viktor's curls. Thoughtlessly, he speaks, turned toward the supplies Viktor had brought in to inspect but not before another pull off the wine bottle and handing that to Viktor once he's done. ]
Get yourself wet, I believe you had a request of me, did you not?
[ Another hum escapes him, feeling the bridge of Emet-Selch's nose pressed to the crook of his neck. Hard not to think of the way he used to flinch; jaw clenching, muscles tensing as though to withstand a blow, stilling under even the lightest touch. Now, he is languid, freely, purposefully seeking out the warmest stretches of skin as though they are sunlit meadows, as though Viktor, himself, is comfort.
More than anything, he wants to be comfort. Wants to be safety for Emet-Selch, the way Emet-Selch is for him. He runs his hand up and down the length of Emet-Selch's thigh, letting his fingers glide along the dips in muscle. ]
'Tis the way of wearing masks, aye? It will take time. But we- we will each find what is beneath.
[ Viktor chases him when he turns his head, pressing lips to the dip of his cheek, and then snorting softly, a laugh breathed against Emet-Selch's skin that he is unable to help. ]
Oh, I promise, I am more than halfway there.
[ A grin, another snicker, he slides forward, leaving Emet-Selch's embrace. Viktor takes a quick drink from the bottle as he gathers up his ears in one hand, pressing them flat against his head. The bottle is set aside again before he slips down into the water. This bath, much like Emet-Selch's bed, is ridiculous - only the ocean would be easier to submerge himself in - and as he lingers for a few seconds, surrounded by warmth, he wonders if maybe, some day, they might have themselves something similar and time aplenty for soaking together.
It would be nice.
He surfaces, blinks water from his eyes, and cards his fingers through the wet tangle of his curls. His soaked ears, weighed down by water, don't quite spring back up into place. He retrieves the bottle again as he slots himself back into place between Emet-Selch's legs, eager to be touched again, to be tended to like something precious. ]
[ He can feel the faint vibration at the hum pressed as close as they are together, and savors the sensation now that he allows himself the indulgence. Every bit of this is an indulgence, he thinks, on par with Vauthry's decadence. ]
For better or worse.
[ What is beneath the mask, he thinks, is not so different than what he presents. He had simply tailored himself to suit the situation, but was largely relying on aspects of his own personality that were coaxed to the surface in the face of a tragedy. He, like anyone else, had the capacity to do no small amount of damage to the people and places around him, though he did not like to think about the ways he was all too similar to the shattered versions of what was.
Viktor's snickered retort jerks him out of that useless train of thought near-instantly, Emet-Selch sinking back against the stone lip to press his face into his hand briefly, only stopping to take the wine bottle back and drink a second, longer time afterward, setting it aside for Viktor once done. The last time he would have done this is...unimaginably long ago. When the world was whole. When he was whole, instead of a bunch of fragmented pieces hastily glued together by duty, obligation and the weight and pressure of Zodiark.
It cannot be so difficult. Washing is not an overly complex skillset and despite the fluffy ears atop Viktor's head, hair washes the same. Viktor surfaces, returning to him without hesitation where Emet-Selch both anticipates and would understand if there was. He doesn't flinch at the press of Viktor's wet skin against him, doesn't jolt when Viktor finds himself right back between Emet-Selch's legs. He sinks back into the cool stone in contrast to the warmth of Viktor's body and forcibly relaxes.
Viktor had brought soap - shampoo, maybe, and rather than using his own Emet-Selch lifts a dripping hand to start pawing through what Viktor's brought that isn't wine, only to pause, lifting various bars of soap up, doing the mental math and looking at Viktor with a particularly pinched expression. ]
No, we will not be using this. Are you a down on your luck street urchin, spending your last gil on soaps sold by the village soapmaker? Stars.
[ Littering the far edge of the stone bath lie his own supplies, far too many bottles for one man alone. He thumbs through the glass bottles with little clinks until he finds the one he is looking for and stretches a little to hook a fingertip around the long neck, dragging it closer. The cap is thumbed off with a flourish, floating in the bathwater and Emet-Selch eyes Viktor, assessing how to position him for this. Easier, he thinks, if he is out of the water and taller than Viktor but he does not relish the idea of wresting himself clear of hot water to linger in the chill. They'll make do. ]
You'll forgive me if I am - unpracticed.
[ A palmful of dark, thick liquid into his hand and then he gently presses fingers against the back of Viktor's skull to urge him to tip his head forward. Once done, he lathers both hands in shampoo and starts with fingers at the nape of Viktor's neck, smoothing shampoo in with brisk, firm movements, very nearly a massage as he works it into a lather from the bottom until he's satisfied. Another palmful and then he repeats, starting from the top of Viktor's head, careful of his ears and where the lilies break through or might. Every so often, a soapy hand tips Viktor's chin, angling it this way or that so he can smooth another finger up along Viktor's hairline to prevent suds from falling into his eyes.
This is more soothing than he had anticipated, in truth. Nothing but the dripping of water, the slosh of it, their breathing as he works diligently, careful not to get any into the dip of Viktor's ears as he works on one, and then the other. He is, ostensibly, done, but his hand doesn't leave where it's buried in Viktor's curls, massaging idly, stroking down to the muscles of his neck where damp curls sit, digging fingers into the muscle there firmly. The other, he uses to grab the wine bottle, taking a sip and then passing it over. ]
Once, I had a wife who cared about precious little that came with the trappings of royalty, except this. Countless colored bottles for all stages of the day, utterly incomprehensible until she forcibly sat me down explained each one's use after tiring of me sending the palace's accountant to inquire.
[ What goes unsaid, is that after that explanation he had adopted no small number of those little bottles - there are far more on that wall than just shampoo, condidtioner, and soap. ]
Better, better, better. [ An insistent little mantra, meant to be a bit of sunlight to burn through Emet-Selch's ever present storm clouds, murmured as he thumbs water from his eyelashes and interrupted by the galling insult to his perfectly practical toiletries... toiletry. Singular.
Fine.
His mouth is against the wine bottle when he scoffs, making the noise half music, low and lushly hollow. ]
Aye, Majesty, I'd've thought you of all people would ap-p-preciate sensible soap choices. [ He complains heatlessly, one hand waving, fingertips flicking water across the room, as Emet-Selch attempts to navigate for soaps around him. ] 'Tis perfectly adequate and saves space when I am-
[ That line of thought abruptly loses importance. Emet-Selch works fingers against Viktor's scalp, surrounding him with a smell that reminds him of having tea at the Bismarck in Limsa Lominsa - citrus sweet, warm and refreshing - and right away Viktor goes pliable in his hands. How silly that Emet-Selch should worry about his skill when it seems to Viktor that he himself is unable to resist melting into that touch. How eagerly he awaits it. Whatever further complaining he'd meant to do becomes little more than mumbled sounds of approval as he leans himself into the offered pressure, readily going where he is directed.
Wryly, he thinks to himself, had Emet-Selch opted to approach him gently upon his arrival on the First, they may've had some real trouble. He is not sure his soul could've resisted that hand extended in love, rather than in challenge. But therein lies the rub, of course- Emet-Selch would not, could not be so tender with a shattered soul, not with Azem, who had left without answers. Not then. Not after everything. With tempering and the Kairos' blank spot making themselves insurmountable weights upon the scales of Emet-Selch's judgment.
The glossy scar now etched into Emet-Selch's chest is proof of that - proof that what had happened had been necessary. Viktor does not yet remember how to pluck potentials from the weave as he had ten thousand years ago, but he is certain that there are few threads where such a cleansing hadn't been necessary - for the both of them.
Maybe Emet-Selch will allow him a closer look, the luxury of pressing his fingers to skin and memorizing the feel, the shape, once they are cleaned and dried and curled up together in bed. In their bed. Stars, hadn't he just been doubting whether he would sleep here tonight? How quickly Hades shakes his resolve.
Just then, Emet-Selch's fingers find a muscle Viktor had not even realized was tense and knotted tight after a day spent learning custom, culture, and gossip, and a little groan escapes him quite without his permission. In that moment, the idea that Viktor could have any resolve at all feels patently ridiculous. He accepts the bottle as it is pushed back in his hands, but lets it dangle from his fingers as he considers Emet-Selch's words.
After a long stretch of silence, enjoying the massage, he asks, ] Did you like her? What was her name?
[ For all that he has hesitated to touch Viktor over the long months since his resurrection, in this moment, all he finds himself thinking about is how ridiculous the hesitation was. He'd hoped, foolishly, that adding the extra barrier between them - no touching, no close contact - would make the eventual, necessary split that much easier. They would not be any more attached than they already were, twined together at the aether as they were.
He ought to have known that lack of touch would not add any meaningful measure of distance. It seems there is no line he could draw in the sand that he would not cross and he cannot lie the blame squarely at Viktor's feet.
He may as well not even have bothered. Stars know he lasted an embarrassingly short amount of time before Viktor was actively in his quarters consistently. By adding that additional barrier of minimized touch, he'd hoped - well. It doesn't really matter what he'd hoped; he cannot find an onze of ungratefulness about this now. Cannot be upset that Viktor melts under the press of his hands, cannot mind that he's using them for something other than destruction, for once. ]
How is one singular bar of soap sensible?
[ He's going to die on this hill, incredulous to the last moment. For now, he keeps his hands busy, pausing every time he feels resistance from a tangled curl, gentling his touch until he manages the tangle and goes back to working shampoo into a lather.
Did he like her? In as much as he liked anyone, which is to say not overly much, but that is not exactly her fault. Thus far, when Viktor has questions about the execution of magical abilities or anything related to their connection, Emet-Selch has answered with minimal fuss and back and forth. Here, he pauses, irrationally unwilling. He can recognize this is related to the fact that they're in the bath, that he's blown past nearly every line he has tried to draw in one fell swoop, but neither can he seem to stop himself from avoiding, futilely trying to draw that line once again. ]
Does it matter? There are countless history books littered with the remnants of lives I led. You could always peruse those.
[ A cup manifests itself from nowhere, scooping water from the bath to start rinsing Viktor's hair, starting with the back. With each cup of water emptied, his other hand works through Viktor's hair from scalp to the ends of the curls, treating ridding him of the suds with the same single-minded attention as he does his work. When the back of his hair is no longer thick with suds he works on one side, then the other, careful each time not to spill water into his ears. ]
It is light. It gets me clean. It leaves room in my pack for other things. No risk of spills.
[ He tics off reasons on slender fingers, pausing between them to steal another drink of wine as Emet-Selch tends to the twists and tangles of his hair, then moves on to rinsing. ]
Of course it m-matters. [ A sullen sigh rushes out of him, sloping his shoulders. Viktor thinks not of lines drawn, of boundaries crossed, of where they once were and find themselves now. No, on his mind are toothless conversations, uncleared air, arguments unresolved because one or the other of them decides to make himself unyielding, impossible.
Then Emet-Selch asks for another soap bottle, and he snorts a laugh. ] Like washing my hair so much you want to do it again, aye?
[ All the same, he reaches for it, grasps the neck and then turns. There is ample room in this tub to do so, to lift himself up, barely clearing the water, and do a half spin. After a second-long moment of dithering spent wondering whether it'd be wholly unwelcome for him to jut his legs around Emet-Selch's torso, Viktor deposits himself before Emet-Selch once more, facing him this time. One curl, slipped loose, near a corkscrew for having finally been nourished with something other than bar soap, sits along the bridge of his nose. His legs, he decides to keep neatly tucked beneath him, lending him a bit of extra height. He mislikes it. The air is far too cold, and even the wine warming his face and shoulders is little help. But it will do for now. ]
Aye, and you could get my whole and true story from Lord Edmont's memoirs, or Alphinaud's letters home, or all the little reports Garlemald surely wrote about the terror stalking the woods beyond Baelsar's Wall, I am sure. [ He clutches the green bottle against his bare chest, not willing to give it up quite yet. ] Were I to visit a history book, 'twould take me two b-bells to read ten pages, and aught I'd learn, I am sure, would have been edited and s-sensationalized to pure fiction by your own hand!
[ He emphasizes that last bit with three taps of the bottom of the wine bottle against Emet-Selch's chest, then holds it out in offering, still keeping the green bottle close, like a dog with a toy. A beat of silence follows, and Viktor settles, expression softening as he studies Emet-Selch's features. ]
[ He utilized the same rationale while on the road, on one of the many roads of conquest, if he's being honest, but they are not on one, they are relatively safe, relatively secure. Now, he likes his little creature comforts as much as Hythlodaeus did back in the day, when Emet-Selch hadn't understood but had supported his lengthy bathing endeavors and desire to go eat at places that grew their food rather than creating it. ]
What?
[ The question jars him so badly he pauses in his careful study of the curl, the itch in his hands to reach out and twirl it around his finger idly. Of course. He just uses soap. Maddening. More maddening- he thinks this is how his ex-wife felt, sitting him down and explaining the use of every single bottle. This, for skin, this for hair, this for nails, a dozen little maintenance needs, all for the perception of others. He understood once explained of course - no different than the different materials and trims to present a perception to the masses, to those they engaged with daily.
Viktor does not have the same needs, and Emet-Selch does not either, but for better or worse he's gotten used to the little comforts. ]
At risk of derailing if you are attempting an actual bath in its full completion, there are other items we use besides - [ Viktor leans, adjusts, and clasp the bottle like he thinks Emet-Selch will abscond with it. ] - soap.
As to the matter of your letters - if you struggle so, we can add that to our morning instruction. 'Tis no different than any other skillset or ability; practice is key.
[ That's not the point, he's willfully ignoring the point with each thud of the bottle against his chest, plucking it away when it's finally offered but frowning at the green bottle being kept from him. ]
Because you are insatiably curious about even the most inconsequential facts of someone's life. [ The observation is not delivered as condemnation or criticism, there is warm, low admiration as he holds the bottle, leaned back against the water-warmed stone to look at Viktor properly where he's settled. ] Because you care about these little inconsequential moments more than any person on this shard or the next. But she is long since passed on, reborn, with a new name, a new life, and the likelihood of our paths ever crossing in any meaningful way is negligible.
[ The wine bottle is settled on the lip and he reaches outward to try and grasp the bottle, but does not fight if Viktor does not allow him it. ]
[ True enough, but beside the point and murmured as such, quiet, off-handed, while Emet-Selch goes on. Though he is, beyond a doubt, a peerless warrior, he is not so deft with his words, and he knows it. Battles, Viktor can win. Debates, not so much. Still, this matters. Ordinarily, one of Emet-Selch's other little dangled threads might've caught him, carried him off, leaving the larger topic to sit unresolved - Emet-Selch made the victor by default - but he does not permit that to happen this time. ]
Aht! [ He juts a finger forward, scolding. Then a second, and a third, as he makes his points. ] Only half right. And near a th-third wrong.
[ Though he does not let the green bottle go, he does allow Emet-Selch to grasp it. Viktor looses one hand, and as he so often does, uses it to help coax his words from his lungs, weaving sound into meaning with a flapping hand and wiggled fingers. ]
I ask, and you think of her, aye? You h-hear her a little, do you not? Perhaps not exact, but the voice that memory serves you. Close enough. [ He touches fingers to his thumb as he speaks, staring at his hand like it's helping him remember what he wishes to say. ] Each bottle, a purpose. Each soap slightly different from the others. The tink and clink of half-used bottles. Color cast by light through glass. The smell of all her tinctures, in sum, left on clothes and skin and- [ A pause, he's getting away from himself. Focus. ] What she said, it mattered to her, and then... it made sense and it mattered to you. Enough that you changed.
[ Grown tired of the cold clinging to his damp skin, Viktor shifts, sinking lower into the water as he unfolds one leg and lets it rest over Emet-Selch's thigh. The other, moved slightly to the side. ]
She is gone. Her soul cycled anew. But, here in this moment, you recall, and the she that she was and the you that you were are real. Remembered. Carried. That is why I ask. And because I want to know the name of the woman willful enough to change your mind. And because...
[ He leans a little closer, eyes on the foggy water now, unwilling to meet Emet-Selch's eye. ]
In the future. Five years, ten, maybe m-more, when we are done and the star is healed and we have friends visiting us at our little s-spring home in... Hm- in Thavnair, let's say. Maybe one happens to need use our facilities and they spy our absurd collection of little bottles and they- they decide to tease me for it. [ Another break, considering, one eye squinted shut. ] In which case it must be Alisaie or Estinien — then I will have a story to tell them, about the woman who changed your mind and then mine, as well. And she will be real again in that moment, too.
[ Viktor hazards tipping his mismatched eyes back up to meet Emet-Selch's gaze and then offers up the green bottle. ]
Here is your soap. Which is definitely not just soap, but the sequel to soap. Soap, p-part two.
[ He files that information into place along with Viktor's other requests - ones he doesn't outright address in the moment, but actively tries to enact when and where it is within his power. Long since used to reading from parchment or tomestone while public speaking, the thought doesn't bother him- the avoidance of the idea of studying does, to an extent, but he can push the subject at another time. ]
Only a third.
[ He does recall.
He'd rather he didn't. The difficulty of memory is not one easily solved; they identified and used crystals to store knowledge, but that did not solve the issue of one's own memory failing. Countless new memories overwriting old ones, the most treasured washed away under the weight of those atop. He could store as much as possible within crystals, but it was only a temporary solution.
Foolish, to be irritated at a woman long since dead, and insult to injury to know she is not really the problem. The problem is an intangible one that can't be solved with time, money, magic. ]
Lucilia.
[ He will not make this a fight, or a discussion, or some sort of attempt at a lesson on why their lives are like a candle, just a flicker of time before the next life replaces them. Wilful ignorance about the point Viktor is making is not the course of action. That, he supposes, is progress. Just like sitting here naked in the middle of a bath with company is progress of a sort. Just like the desire to touch and be touched by someone else is progress.
Gently, he fits his fingers around the line of Viktor's ankle, skimming fingers over the thin layer of skin and then further up, and makes an idle path back and forth from knee to ankle. Or, it would be idle were it not for how focused he seems on the motion, dragging his thumb along Viktor's calf to trace muscle, swirling a glancing touch over the bit of knee bared by the water. ]
Thavnair, is it? Awfully warm there. To say nothing of the dragon, with whom I think you must needs confirm my welcome.
[ The bottle ends up in his hand, but he cannot say victory is his clean and simple. Regretfully he tugs the hand tracing Viktor's leg back so he can thumb down the nozzle once, twice, and then after a considering look at Viktor's curls, a third time. Rosemary and something faintly floral are immediately evident, even if the floral notes are overwhelmed by the former. Gingerly, he rises up until he can get his knees beneath himself and reaches out to start working it through Viktor's curls carefully from roots to end, smoothing unruly curls back when they fall into his eyes. While he mislikes the cold in general, so much time in Garlemald means he bears the chill with minimal complaint, far more focused on the task at hand.
In hand. ]
Do not rinse this right away. Sit. Soak. [ Viktor's hair is countless times shorter than hers had been, and so it is not overly difficult to finish quickly, grimacing as his knees protest. Settled again in his spot, he tugs Viktor's leg back into place. Belatedly, not quite hesitant but not a declaration, foggier as he strains for the memory. ] Hers smelled of mint. Imported in frankly absurd quantities. Dried in a room I orchestrated to be next to my office.
[ Because it covered countless smells he would rather not have smelled by someone walking past. He does not point this out. ]
[ The water sloshes as he shrugs. And the smile he offers up in exchange for the name is bright and pleased, unburdened by the weight of the day. The first genuine show of sunlight since they'd arrived on this icy reflection of home. Wildly gratifying, to have earned his answer. He can admit as much to himself.
Even better, to be touched, explored by calloused fingers. All that scholar's focus devoted to the study of skin and muscle, intoxicating. Emet-Selch's hand skirts up his leg, fingertips finding each slope and curve of sinew, glancing off his thigh as they pass up and over his knee, and Viktor does not bother to stop himself from shivering. He closes his eyes, losing himself in the motion, each pass kindling for the fire Viktor is increasingly disinterested in keeping banked low.
Oh, to know all the little details. All the people who have mattered to Hades. But. More pressing is this: to be the sole focus of all that ages old, heavy attention, to be such a distraction that a man who has seen all life has to offer cannot even pretend he wants to keep his hands to himself. Viktor relishes being as precious, as interesting, as the books and reports and odds and ends Emet-Selch is ever poring over, and tries not to pout too plainly when the study session comes to an end.
He opens one eye when Emet-Selch rises, spies the jagged outline of mottled flesh interrupting otherwise flawless skin, and decides it is his turn to learn. With his own hands now free, he does not hesitate to press greedy fingers to skin. Admiring his own handiwork, he thinks wryly, tracing the outline enjoying the warmth of the body beneath his palms. He resists pressing his mouth to skin as well, but only just. ]
Our spring home. [ He repeats, breathing in herbs and flowers. Familiar. It reminds him of his own clothes, his blankets, the inside of his pack. ] Where we will spend a few weeks when it is still miserably cold across Eorzea. Big, open windows, and a v-view of the sea. A little garden and a workshop for all your projects. Mm. [ His fingertips wander to trace the slope of Emet-Selch's waist, not grasping, just mapping his form. ] As for Vrtra, I think you underestimate how readily the people, even dragons, will forgive one who has d-done right by them.
[ He does not doubt it will be difficult, presenting the truth of things to the star. But, it will be worth it, to fight for Hades's place in this world they will have made. Perhaps, for a time, that will be his cause - illuminating all the ways in which Hades belongs, both to the people, and to the man, himself.
Emet-Selch settles back into the bath, guiding Viktor's leg where he wants it, and Viktor takes a few seconds to consider the feel of so much soap-that-is-not-soap set in his hair. He lifts a hand, lights fingers on the sticky substance run through his curls, and pulls a dubious face. Though it feels odd, the smell is nice, and he would endure the torment of sitting and waiting again if it meant Emet-Selch might slide fingers through his hair, working through tangles with a surgeon's gentle precision and shaping curls like an artist. ]
Mint. [ He murmurs, sliding a little closer, slow, testing the distance. How close can he press, before they find the new line? ] Crisp, cooling, green. Unignorable. A good scent for c-clearing one's head. Lucilia... had some good ideas. But I have better ones.
[ Like how to spend the next few minutes, waiting for this new fragrant gunk in his hair to set. Viktor tangles damp fingers in Emet-Selch's hair. ]
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2/2
among the scullery maids, yes. i quite liked the bounce of it. like something out of Ishgard - popping over to Lady Hortense's for lunchtime tea and a bonk.
and 'twas second only to "touring one's root cellar" which was, i must tell you, a terribly confusing conversation. as we were literally touring the root cellar when it was being discussed.
which does in fact have a concealed passageway, as an aside. i didn't have the opportunity to venture through it. sensed it, only.
i hope you've found something more exciting than pastures in your wandering?
no subject
The lack of Ascians, I'd wager. To be clear - I do not mean to insinuate we did not cause trouble where it suited. But shepherding and ensuring the longevity of those on relevant shards was as much a part of duty as aught else.
[ Admittedly, just to keep the rejoining easier to manage, to make certain that there was still a world to rejoin, but the point still stands. The tomestone is set aside for the time being while he washes, lingering in the hot water longer than is necessary, loathe to get out into the chill air of the borrowed rooms. Less than eager to put back on the name and face of someone he is no longer, no matter how necessary it may be. ]
The easiest option, I think, would be for us to finalize our business here and leave for a spell. On our return - laden with useful items imported from far away, we would have less questions to answer about the acquisition of those goods.
A root cellar and concealed passageway within the palace? Were there any other locations?
My first inclination would be to assume that it was a convenience - often, those in power who do not wish to see the help will install them in their buildings. Breakfast would arrive without ever having to see or give much thought to those who made and delivered it. He seems the sort.
I would have an easier time exploring the root cellars than you would, if we are so inclined.
[ He has not been inclined to teach Viktor invisibility. The last thing he needs is for Viktor to grasp the concept so well he can hide himself from Emet-Selch. ]
no subject
a tavern visit may be worth it, in that case. to hear how adventurers tell the tale.
[ nevermind the fact that he's heard they brew liquors from lichen, and that sound so positively vile he cannot wait to try some.
with a host of small adjustments made to the castle greenhouse, and the glass dome growing too dark to do anything else effectively, viktor bundles himself back up and ventures out into the night, making for his room once more before his royal pest can seek him out. ]
aye, i've no complaints with that plan. 'twould be nice to help the folk more, but i fear what getting embroiled here would do were we called urgently to return to the First.
the air coming in smelled too earthy. and damp and old and not near as cold as the rest of the palace air. i think it goes deeper, not into the castle. aside from that, the lord's library has a host of interesting tapestries dating back centuries. they are hung in somewhat strange places. perhaps local custom, but concealing shelves, or hung so low they skirt the floors. i do wonder whether more secrets hide behind them.
'twould be interesting to see where the passage goes, at least. but i am cold, and would like to warm myself first.
no subject
I would caution you against attempting to solve all of this shard's issues. Some are beyond our time and ability to handle and you are correct that the First might require us more.
As to the smell - you believe it lies beneath the castle? And that the hidden walkways might lead a path down?
[ he's going to be very irritated if it would have been useful to teach viktor invisibility. the next bit, he types. deletes. they are still on unsteady ground. ]
Were the air clearer between us, I might have suggested the timing could have aligned so that we could have shared a bath. As it is, I find myself uncertain if the insinuation would be welcome.
no subject
no. i agree.
[ ... ]
mayhap i will regret my cruelty. i certainly feel some guilt over it, but i am loathe to make myself indispensable to another shard right now. they've their own heroes. and i am content to teach what gardening and healing i can, for now.
aye. to be specific. i wonder whether the path to the Sea the lordling lays claim over isn't right under his nose.
[ viktor reads the last message twice when it comes through, but does not respond. leaves it unanswered as he climbs the stairs to their split quarters. there, he wastes a few more seconds quibbling, but it does not take him long to realize what he wants.
still in his traveling garb, he raps his knuckles against their shared door. ]
If you'd still have me, I would be amenable to a soak. [ A pause, his forehead touching the door. ] Would you wash my hair?
no subject
They are useful skills, especially given their situation.
[ What else is he to say? He's made the offer and half-thinks that there's no way he will be taken up on it. Viktor has people to see. Chores to do. Emet-Selch has suggested the unthinkable casually enough the mention nearly started a fight. Now, he's suggested something else that is entirely different and unthinkable, and there's no response. Foolish. He ought to have known.
Weary down to his bones slouches into the warmth of the water and stretches out, toes barely grazing the stone edge of the tub. If he thought the floors at the Crystarium would hold, he would create and install something half as large. And then, a knock. Emet-Selch rolls his eyes to the ceiling, fully intent on ignoring it until he hears Viktor's voice and abruptly the half-hearted offer is no longer a failed attempt and he must contend with seeing the offer through. It will not be, he thinks, such a hardship, even if the idea of going from countless layers between them to exactly none makes his stomach hot and tight in a way that isn't quite discomfort. Folding both arms on the stone lip and propping his chin atop them, he calls, ]
Only if you make haste before the bath loses most of its heat. If you've a preference on bathing supplies, you ought to bring those, as well.
[ The drain he tugs clean to start emptying the cooling, used water, and the bronze spigot creaks as it's turned back on with a nudge to spit steaming water to replenish what he's draining.
Then, he sits, feeling horrifically bare, and after a beat of hesitation and feeling ridiculous for nudging enough salts into the water to obscure the contents at least a little. ]
no subject
his quarters are less impressive than the ones granted to Emet-Selch. too reluctant, for myriad reasons, to put a name to what they are - partners? consorts? lovers? it is at once deeper than all of those things and still too indefinite to name precisely. the lordling, eager to stake a claim, had assumed viktor the steward, the merchant's valet, and granted the adjoining servant's quarters. which are fine with viktor. if Emet-Selch wants to share a bed, after, well. he will decide whether or not to cross that bridge when he arrives at it.
right now, his heart is thundering, so loud as to be frankly unnecessary. this is not the first man he's seen naked. not the first person he's bathed with. there is no reason for his skin to prickle as he gathers up his few soaps, his robe and pajamas. after another second wasted thinking, he also scoops up the bottle of wine he'd received as thanks for his part in delivering the merchant's dyes -- green and purple and red dyes he'd just happened to have in his pack.
only once his arms are full does he finally return to the door separating them. a steeling breath, and then he passes through. slow, as though he needs to give Emet-Selch more time to change his mind and send him away.
his quarters are warm for the steam already filling the room, a welcome relief. and there he is, unmissable, on the other side from the door. submerged in cloudy, fragrant water, steam wafting around him. his neck is beautiful, bare shoulders moreso. the sight catches viktor's breath and holds it high in his throat. ]
Oh. You are you. [ he allows himself to sound surprised, but hides his relief as best he can. he could admit to himself that the sight of Hades back in that old form had felt...strange. he had prepared himself to be revolted, angry, even frightened. that he had felt none of those things upon looking at him had been the only certain thing he'd allowed himself to feel.
he sorts through his possessions, trying to force his lungs to work. leaves his robes and pajamas on the room's table, rather than Emet-Selch's bed - not ready to think himself welcome there, quite yet. then, with nowhere else to waste time, he finally approaches the impressively large stone tub, sets his soaps and the unopened bottle of wine on the nearby shelf, within reach and kneels, deliberately slow.
viktor undoes two of the toggles holding his robes closed, then lets his fingers drop to toy with the surface of the water. he steals the quickest glance down, but sees nothing for the fog of salts. ]
I've a few c-clasps that need undoing. [ he angles himself, showing off buckles he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. softly, over the heavy thud of his heartbeat rattling in his ears, he asks, ] Would you?
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Something in him squirms, pleased that Viktor does not sound disappointed to find him himself. It was not so difficult to wear Solus again. Maybe he would feel less...this if he hadn't found putting that persona on so easy, or the gulch between them so small. ]
I am myself. 'Tis a trifle to make the change as needed.
[ But he would prefer to be himself, here and now. Especially for something as intimate as a bath, as shedding literal layers down to skin. At least already being in the bath makes the process a touch easier; he needn't feel ridiculous about undressing.
The wine is given a brief, appraising glance before Emet-Selch turns a steady gaze on Viktor and looks, intentional, deliberate. Marks the undoing of a few toggles on his robes and how close Viktor lingers, and finds that his earlier irritation has not necessarily waned but neither does it do anything to cool the heat curling in his stomach. At least his hands are dry; it doesn't take effort to reach out and start thumbing them open bit by bit. ]
Of course, your hands haven't warmed enough to manage the rest of the buckles.
[ If his fingers linger against the graceful line of Viktor's throat or drift up a little higher to nudge curls out of the way, well, he does not think Viktor will object, necessarily. When he's finished with the shirt he props his elbow up on the lip and places his chin in his palm, watching, intent unless Viktor tells him not to. There's no disgust to be found, even when he anticipates and searches for it. Burned to cinders by the heat the bath does nothing to stifle.
Reaching for the wine so he does not do something drastically inadvisable like graze a touch over Viktor's trousers, flush with the certainty the touch would be allowed, welcomed, in a way the spoiled princeling's hands would never be, Emet-Selch debates creating glasses. Decides just as quickly as he has the thought not to.
The label is unpeeled with surgical precision, maintaining the brand information and wax stamp, but the cork he thumbs out thoughtlessly, settling the open wine bottle back on the lip for Viktor to taste first once he finishes divesting himself of clothing. ]
Before the bath chills too much. [ a pause as he settles himself into a lazy drape along the lip, chin atop folded arms once again, indulgent. ] Would you prefer I not watch?
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[ Emet-Selch touches him, fingers flashing against skin as he undoes the little metal bindings holding Viktor's clothes - his composure - together, and he exhales, low, slow. Heat he'd thought chilled out of him by the cold, by their terse exchange earlier, breathed out as though it might burn if allowed to escape too quickly.
Talk is messy, rife with misunderstandings. Too many words, meaning too many things, too easy to talk around honest feeling. Touch, though - he knows touch, and is all too ready to forget hurt and fear and anger if it means he can be warmed by a body he loves, to feel as though he is more than enough, just as he is, for a man who had once known his own version of paradise.
In another wing of the estate, an unfit princeling makes plans to charm his unusual guest. Here, now, Viktor doesn't think of him at all, stares into firefly eyes, lit brighter than he remembers, and shrugs his robes down off his shoulders, exposing clavicles. ]
I would prefer you watch.
[ Before the bath chills too much - as though between the two of them there wasn't talent enough to heat the water with a thought. A faint smile plays across Viktor's face as he wraps his arms around his torso to hold his robes closed and rises. Unrushed, he turns, showing Emet-Selch his back, and allows his robes to fall a little further, to his elbows, skin of his shoulders prickling to gooseflesh from the cold, but flush with excitement.
Yes. They had argued. Yes, it had left him sullen and Emet-Selch surely irritated, but Viktor will not allow them to linger there. This moment, long, long awaited will not be anything less than joyful. With teasing intent, he wriggles out of his trousers, his stockings, hiding the awkward movement behind flourishes of his coattails, tossing each item over the back of the room's lone armchair with an exaggerated fling of his hand -- an improvised little dance for Emet-Selch's amusement.
Lower drop the robes once he is free of his leggings, gathering at his waist, held in place by one arm. He peels himself out of the hempen undershirt, stretches, because he has seen how many pages of Emet-Selch's sketchbook contain quick drawings of flexing shoulder muscles, and finally turns to face him again.
Here, Viktor pauses to grasp the wine bottle by the neck, and in so doing, allows his robes to drop to the floor. He grins, knowingly, as he lifts the bottle to his lips for a drink - because today, it just so happens, he is wearing smalls. He is, of course, something of a sculpted work, all lean muscle and gentle lines. Freckle dappled skin free of scar and blemish, save a few places where the veins beneath his skin are not veins but green vines, the threat of sprouting flowers ever present. ]
It's bleeding c-cold. [ He complains, this stutter more a shiver, as though he isn't the one holding himself hostage in the icy air right now. The wine is nice, though. Warming. Sweet. He sets the bottle down and hooks a thumb into the waistband of his perfectly ordinary hempen bloomers. This is nothing Emet-Selch has not seen before, but it has been moons since their first and frenzied "lesson" - it feels like a lifetime ago. Like Emet-Selch, like Hades, looks at him with new eyes, seeing for the first time. And so, Viktor gives the moment the time he thinks it is due, slowly hiking down his smalls and stepping out of them once they've hit the floor.
He elects to sit on the edge of the tub, giving Emet-Selch ample time to observe him as he turns, hissing as he slips his legs into water that feels almost too hot when compared to the frigid cold air. He becomes aware, abruptly, of how heavy the beat of his heart is, how shallow his breathing. Viktor lights his fingers on Emet-Selch's hair, forgetting entirely how to be charming or brave. Afraid, for the briefest moment, that Emet-Selch will see him here at a precipice, toes dangling over the cliff's edge, and decide he is not ready - decide he is still angry, still disgusted, repulsed. ]
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Viktor makes a show of disrobing and Emet-Selch watches intently, a scene, a play, a skit only meant for his eyes. They are, he thinks, both of them playing a bit of a part, people who know what they are doing in a situation like this. Ridiculous, to have thousands of years of memory at his beck and call and to feel that all of it is insufficient, that he is starting from the first step, attempting to make up for lost time and rusted experience.
There have been countless times he's utilized intimacy - not involving him, necessarily, but orchestrating it between others, to achieve his ends. To avoid a serious discussion and sensitive subject through distractions of the flesh is not healthy, but it is, he thinks useful. Effective. ]
We'll have issues if you decide to make a mess inside my quarters each time you disrobe.
[ Mildly, as he takes the wine Viktor's set back down and carefully tilts a mouthful's worth to taste, thinking at length about the lean muscles of Viktor's shoulders and arms, the narrow line of his waist and how good his hands would look upon all the bare, warm skin within reach. He swallows the wine, realizing only belatedly he hadn't tasted it at all, had been far too distracted watching Viktor sling clothing about willy-nilly. He is, Emet-Selch notes with amusement, wearing smalls. Too cold not to, he supposes, and watches soft cloth make its way down long legs, fully forgetting to breathe until the motion is complete.
He's miscalculated - he's spent too much time studying Viktor, drinking in the sight of him that he hasn't thought about the action, the steps to take to facilitate anything other than ogling him like a youth. Viktor rests fingertips against the crown of his head, settled on the stone that cannot be terribly warm on the outside and Emet-Selch gives into the insane impulse to press his mouth against the malms of bare skin presented to him. Water sloshes as he moves, gliding a hand up Viktor's back to trace the knobs of his spine and he lays a kiss at the swell of a thigh, and another against the faintest imprint where Viktor's smalls had pressed into his skin, lingering. He'd forgotten just how much he enjoys the smell of Viktor despite, or perhaps especially because of a day of tasks, duties. Chores. He wants to wash Viktor's hair. Wants to do what he hadn't allowed himself earlier, to look and touch, and it feels all the more satisfying to do it and know there's someone else here who wants at least half as badly and would never stand a chance.
Emet-Selch tilts his head, resting it upon a folded arm on the lip of the tub once again, the hand attached running lazily up and down Viktor's flank, relaxed despite everything. ]
Did you intend to join at any point, or were you enjoying freezing so much you thought to do it naked?
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[ Slow, tentative.
How long had he feared this thing between them temporary? For moons, after caution gave way to care, even as it slipped into love, he had doubted. He would not, could not pour his heart into this, would not grasp Emet-Selch with the intention of holding him here when there was love for him, rest for him, elsewhere. Would not impose. Would not take up space.
But- Why? Why keep himself small? Why risk everything but his heart, when this is exactly where his heart belongs?
Emet-Selch's lips taste dizzyingly sensitive skin and Viktor drags his fingernails over his scalp, encouraging. Another kiss draws a bright sigh from his lips, louder than it might have been otherwise, breathed with a grin - the servants will have their gossip. Mayhap it will find their lord, even. Gratifying. Enboldening.
He will take up space. He will grasp, intending to hold. He will leave a mark on Emet-Selch's life. ]
You- you could do with a few more messes in your life, I th-think. Smaller ones. Simpler ones.
[ Viktor moves his hand to the dip at the base of his throat, then lower, pressing gently to ease him back. ] I should make you try and pull me in, f-frankly. [ But he doesn't. Slides off the edge of the tub, slow, so that the steaming water does not splash as it is displaced. Into Emet-Selch's space, straddling one of his legs. He shuts his eyes, welcoming the indulgence as his hand slips down, throat to chest, chest to- something unexpected.
The mark he's left on Emet-Selch's life.
Viktor opens his eyes and stares down at his fingertips, skirting the glossy edges of scarred skin. Though his lips part, his breath catches, and he thinks to pull away - as though touching the healed wound might hurt one or both of them - but he stops himself. He doesn't want to. ]
Hades. [ Soft, little more than a whisper, his ears twitch and then ease back. Where he expects guilt, shame, all the unwelcome feelings that come with remembering what had brought them to that point, he finds relief, curiosity, and a strange, gilded sort of fire coming to life in his chest. ] This- this is...
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[ Grumbling, but toothless, his head tilting thoughtlessly into the warm press of Viktor's fingers against his scalp. Emet-Selch shifts to accommodate Viktor as he finally slips into the bathwater and feels instantly foolish for the mistake of not warning him, for not remembering how he had chosen to recreate his form. Hiding the mark felt disingenuous and foolish once he'd made the offer and he had not considered wanting as badly as he did, despite having a baseline to operate off of.
At least Viktor is not upset at the sight. He seems rather the opposite of upset, if Emet-Selch is any good at reading him, which he thinks at this point he should be proficient in and is much easier when one is naked in every sense of the word. ]
Do you take issue? [ He doesn't quite squirm under the pressure of Viktor's hand but it is a close thing. Would that Viktor could reach into his chest and grasp his heart; he sometimes thinks it would be easier to have a physical manifestation to look at, to parade about to other people. To himself, when he thinks too long and too hard about how much everything has changed and is left wondering if this is really the way forward.
He'd added the salts to make the water cloudier, which only upon Viktor's weight settling more fully on him does he realize was useless. Feeling so much bare skin pressed against his own is countless times more intimate than the simple act of seeing. Gently, to steady Viktor and because now that he has Viktor so close the idea of not touching him is unthinkable, Emet-Selch curves both hands over his hips, fingers rubbing idle circles against warm skin. ]
You're - [ he pauses, mulling over a dozen different options and finds all of them insufficient, settling for the one that will prevent the silence from being long, uncomfortable. declaration, quiet, certain, not a question: ] - lovely. So there is no doubt.
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[ Such certainty in him, so much so that he does not feel even a flicker of guilt, even though he thinks that perhaps he would be justified if he did. His mind races, trying to pinpoint meaning and sense as he delicately traces the upper outline of the incredible wound he'd inflicted, once upon a time.
Then, abruptly, his mind stills.
Emet-Selch's palms settle against the curve of his body, and for a few seconds Viktor can think of nothing but hands large enough to near wreath him where his body dips outward, holding him steady, coaxing his breath shallow with simple, rhythmic movement. This body has waited moons - the soul, literal ages for this much closeness, this much contact. He calls him lovely, and Viktor wonders whether he can feel, beneath his fingers, the way his stomach seems to tighten with want. ]
I am lovely. [ He agrees with a crooked grin, inching closer. ] And you are- you are the moon. Something to write poetry about, to study for lifetimes. [ Viktor settles his hands over Emet-Selch's, not to move them or to stop that hypnotic little motion, but to hold him in place as he says, ] Rumored to drive certain men absolutely mad.
[ It feels a safe thing to allude to his sulking, stormy mood after their argument in so light a way. Especially when he chases it with movement, letting Emet-Selch's hands glide over his body as he turns between them, then settling in, sinking into the water and gingerly pressing his back to Emet-Selch's chest. For a brief, heart-fluttering moment, he feels almost faint for how close they are, skin to skin, without barriers.
Eventually, he realizes he isn't breathing, and steals a gulp of air as he leands the back of his head against Emet-Selch's shoulder, one ear lazily flopping into the water. He stares up at him, mismatched eyes tracing his unbearably handsome profile, trying to pinpoint all the places he wants to kiss and in what order he'd like to accomplish those tasks. ]
I do not- I've not got the right words, but. The scar - 'tis proof of what set us on even footing once more. 'Tis the beginning our new start, aye? [ Viktor dips in, brushing his lips against the point where Emet-Selch's jaw and neck meet. ] Was it always there? I mean- since I c-called you back. I only- I noticed your hands are more calloused, and your eyes... the glow.
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The moon to Viktor's sun. There's no spitefulness, no jealousy that arises at the echo of what once was, fundamentally changed by thousands of years. Emet-Selch stretches his legs out, adjusts Viktor a little more comfortably where he reclines, and then greedily, selfishly, winds both arms around him and lets his chin rest against Viktor's mussed curls. ]
One would have to be a little mad to consider what you do on a daily basis.
[ Whether that is intimacy like this with a former enemy, or trotting about different shards, attempting to undo the greatest wrong that has ever been perpetuated upon them, it doesn't matter. Madness either way, Emet-Selch thinks, lifting his hand from the bathwater to trace the smattering of freckles upon Viktor's shoulder with damp fingertips, shuddering out a breath at the press of Viktor's lips. ]
I tired of...making myself less than what I was. [ They had needed to when they arrived in the First - he could not distract from the Warrior, had to be careful not to lose Viktor any trust by being his companion. Now, he thinks, they've achieved enough he can walk amongst them as himself and there is no mistrust. There ought to be, maybe. He half-expects them to have some sort of sense-memory with him, aware he was responsible for most of their ills, but it did not happen. Does not happen. ] Foolish as it was, I thought it fitting. Indicative of the past and the present.
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Even half a turn ago, it would have been unthinkable - not just this, the two of them tangled up, luxuriating in the largest bath Viktor has ever seen, but, more precisely, the absence of guilt, of anxiety. Short though his life has been, both in the grand scheme of things and even for a viera, Viktor had never known much in the way of security. Has never - not with anyone - been comfortable enough to argue, to resist, and know, without a doubt, that he would still be kept, still be loved, not be punished or cast out.
Never, not with anyone - until now.
Emet-Selch dances fingers over his shoulders, inventing constellations of goosebumps and freckles, and Viktor tips his head to give him space to explore. One hand drifts down to his thigh, running fingers along the length of it, the other leaves the water, reaching up to cup his face, tipping it to get a better look at him. The breath he exhales is hot with want, but when he speaks, it is only gentle, adoring. ]
Good. You should not h-hide yourself. Not for anyone. [ Viktor stares up at him, expression serious. ] And I do not think it foolish. Scars are stories. And that story- well- [ His expression smooths, grin easing across his features, fingers pressing at Emet-Selch's thigh. ] -quite the harrowing tale, but it tells of how you came to be mine. And so, I am f-fond.
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He likes how noisy Viktor is when he does nothing more than exist. The absolute opposite of death, embodying light and life and what they were striving to maintain and save. Emet-Selch presses his face into the warm stretch of skin from shoulder to jawline, inhales long and slow and then tips his head in accommodation when Viktor's fingers coax him to move. ]
I find that being myself is - unfamiliar. [ Not an excuse, but a quiet admission, his brows drawing tight before he seems to shake the frustration off as best as he can, instead studying the splash of freckles, the way waterdroplets cling, the dim lighting playing across his skin. He has ever been his duty, but once, he thinks he had known how to maintain duty and sense of self, even if that sense of self had been inextricably twined up in Hythlodaeus and Aepymetes. To their detriment, perhaps. Inhaling, he holds the breath for an instant and then releases, lifting a damp hand to smooth through Viktor's curls. Thoughtlessly, he speaks, turned toward the supplies Viktor had brought in to inspect but not before another pull off the wine bottle and handing that to Viktor once he's done. ]
Get yourself wet, I believe you had a request of me, did you not?
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More than anything, he wants to be comfort. Wants to be safety for Emet-Selch, the way Emet-Selch is for him. He runs his hand up and down the length of Emet-Selch's thigh, letting his fingers glide along the dips in muscle. ]
'Tis the way of wearing masks, aye? It will take time. But we- we will each find what is beneath.
[ Viktor chases him when he turns his head, pressing lips to the dip of his cheek, and then snorting softly, a laugh breathed against Emet-Selch's skin that he is unable to help. ]
Oh, I promise, I am more than halfway there.
[ A grin, another snicker, he slides forward, leaving Emet-Selch's embrace. Viktor takes a quick drink from the bottle as he gathers up his ears in one hand, pressing them flat against his head. The bottle is set aside again before he slips down into the water. This bath, much like Emet-Selch's bed, is ridiculous - only the ocean would be easier to submerge himself in - and as he lingers for a few seconds, surrounded by warmth, he wonders if maybe, some day, they might have themselves something similar and time aplenty for soaking together.
It would be nice.
He surfaces, blinks water from his eyes, and cards his fingers through the wet tangle of his curls. His soaked ears, weighed down by water, don't quite spring back up into place. He retrieves the bottle again as he slots himself back into place between Emet-Selch's legs, eager to be touched again, to be tended to like something precious. ]
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For better or worse.
[ What is beneath the mask, he thinks, is not so different than what he presents. He had simply tailored himself to suit the situation, but was largely relying on aspects of his own personality that were coaxed to the surface in the face of a tragedy. He, like anyone else, had the capacity to do no small amount of damage to the people and places around him, though he did not like to think about the ways he was all too similar to the shattered versions of what was.
Viktor's snickered retort jerks him out of that useless train of thought near-instantly, Emet-Selch sinking back against the stone lip to press his face into his hand briefly, only stopping to take the wine bottle back and drink a second, longer time afterward, setting it aside for Viktor once done. The last time he would have done this is...unimaginably long ago. When the world was whole. When he was whole, instead of a bunch of fragmented pieces hastily glued together by duty, obligation and the weight and pressure of Zodiark.
It cannot be so difficult. Washing is not an overly complex skillset and despite the fluffy ears atop Viktor's head, hair washes the same. Viktor surfaces, returning to him without hesitation where Emet-Selch both anticipates and would understand if there was. He doesn't flinch at the press of Viktor's wet skin against him, doesn't jolt when Viktor finds himself right back between Emet-Selch's legs. He sinks back into the cool stone in contrast to the warmth of Viktor's body and forcibly relaxes.
Viktor had brought soap - shampoo, maybe, and rather than using his own Emet-Selch lifts a dripping hand to start pawing through what Viktor's brought that isn't wine, only to pause, lifting various bars of soap up, doing the mental math and looking at Viktor with a particularly pinched expression. ]
No, we will not be using this. Are you a down on your luck street urchin, spending your last gil on soaps sold by the village soapmaker? Stars.
[ Littering the far edge of the stone bath lie his own supplies, far too many bottles for one man alone. He thumbs through the glass bottles with little clinks until he finds the one he is looking for and stretches a little to hook a fingertip around the long neck, dragging it closer. The cap is thumbed off with a flourish, floating in the bathwater and Emet-Selch eyes Viktor, assessing how to position him for this. Easier, he thinks, if he is out of the water and taller than Viktor but he does not relish the idea of wresting himself clear of hot water to linger in the chill. They'll make do. ]
You'll forgive me if I am - unpracticed.
[ A palmful of dark, thick liquid into his hand and then he gently presses fingers against the back of Viktor's skull to urge him to tip his head forward. Once done, he lathers both hands in shampoo and starts with fingers at the nape of Viktor's neck, smoothing shampoo in with brisk, firm movements, very nearly a massage as he works it into a lather from the bottom until he's satisfied. Another palmful and then he repeats, starting from the top of Viktor's head, careful of his ears and where the lilies break through or might. Every so often, a soapy hand tips Viktor's chin, angling it this way or that so he can smooth another finger up along Viktor's hairline to prevent suds from falling into his eyes.
This is more soothing than he had anticipated, in truth. Nothing but the dripping of water, the slosh of it, their breathing as he works diligently, careful not to get any into the dip of Viktor's ears as he works on one, and then the other. He is, ostensibly, done, but his hand doesn't leave where it's buried in Viktor's curls, massaging idly, stroking down to the muscles of his neck where damp curls sit, digging fingers into the muscle there firmly. The other, he uses to grab the wine bottle, taking a sip and then passing it over. ]
Once, I had a wife who cared about precious little that came with the trappings of royalty, except this. Countless colored bottles for all stages of the day, utterly incomprehensible until she forcibly sat me down explained each one's use after tiring of me sending the palace's accountant to inquire.
[ What goes unsaid, is that after that explanation he had adopted no small number of those little bottles - there are far more on that wall than just shampoo, condidtioner, and soap. ]
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Fine.
His mouth is against the wine bottle when he scoffs, making the noise half music, low and lushly hollow. ]
Aye, Majesty, I'd've thought you of all people would ap-p-preciate sensible soap choices. [ He complains heatlessly, one hand waving, fingertips flicking water across the room, as Emet-Selch attempts to navigate for soaps around him. ] 'Tis perfectly adequate and saves space when I am-
[ That line of thought abruptly loses importance. Emet-Selch works fingers against Viktor's scalp, surrounding him with a smell that reminds him of having tea at the Bismarck in Limsa Lominsa - citrus sweet, warm and refreshing - and right away Viktor goes pliable in his hands. How silly that Emet-Selch should worry about his skill when it seems to Viktor that he himself is unable to resist melting into that touch. How eagerly he awaits it. Whatever further complaining he'd meant to do becomes little more than mumbled sounds of approval as he leans himself into the offered pressure, readily going where he is directed.
Wryly, he thinks to himself, had Emet-Selch opted to approach him gently upon his arrival on the First, they may've had some real trouble. He is not sure his soul could've resisted that hand extended in love, rather than in challenge. But therein lies the rub, of course- Emet-Selch would not, could not be so tender with a shattered soul, not with Azem, who had left without answers. Not then. Not after everything. With tempering and the Kairos' blank spot making themselves insurmountable weights upon the scales of Emet-Selch's judgment.
The glossy scar now etched into Emet-Selch's chest is proof of that - proof that what had happened had been necessary. Viktor does not yet remember how to pluck potentials from the weave as he had ten thousand years ago, but he is certain that there are few threads where such a cleansing hadn't been necessary - for the both of them.
Maybe Emet-Selch will allow him a closer look, the luxury of pressing his fingers to skin and memorizing the feel, the shape, once they are cleaned and dried and curled up together in bed. In their bed. Stars, hadn't he just been doubting whether he would sleep here tonight? How quickly Hades shakes his resolve.
Just then, Emet-Selch's fingers find a muscle Viktor had not even realized was tense and knotted tight after a day spent learning custom, culture, and gossip, and a little groan escapes him quite without his permission. In that moment, the idea that Viktor could have any resolve at all feels patently ridiculous. He accepts the bottle as it is pushed back in his hands, but lets it dangle from his fingers as he considers Emet-Selch's words.
After a long stretch of silence, enjoying the massage, he asks, ] Did you like her? What was her name?
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He ought to have known that lack of touch would not add any meaningful measure of distance. It seems there is no line he could draw in the sand that he would not cross and he cannot lie the blame squarely at Viktor's feet.
He may as well not even have bothered. Stars know he lasted an embarrassingly short amount of time before Viktor was actively in his quarters consistently. By adding that additional barrier of minimized touch, he'd hoped - well. It doesn't really matter what he'd hoped; he cannot find an onze of ungratefulness about this now. Cannot be upset that Viktor melts under the press of his hands, cannot mind that he's using them for something other than destruction, for once. ]
How is one singular bar of soap sensible?
[ He's going to die on this hill, incredulous to the last moment. For now, he keeps his hands busy, pausing every time he feels resistance from a tangled curl, gentling his touch until he manages the tangle and goes back to working shampoo into a lather.
Did he like her? In as much as he liked anyone, which is to say not overly much, but that is not exactly her fault. Thus far, when Viktor has questions about the execution of magical abilities or anything related to their connection, Emet-Selch has answered with minimal fuss and back and forth. Here, he pauses, irrationally unwilling. He can recognize this is related to the fact that they're in the bath, that he's blown past nearly every line he has tried to draw in one fell swoop, but neither can he seem to stop himself from avoiding, futilely trying to draw that line once again. ]
Does it matter? There are countless history books littered with the remnants of lives I led. You could always peruse those.
[ A cup manifests itself from nowhere, scooping water from the bath to start rinsing Viktor's hair, starting with the back. With each cup of water emptied, his other hand works through Viktor's hair from scalp to the ends of the curls, treating ridding him of the suds with the same single-minded attention as he does his work. When the back of his hair is no longer thick with suds he works on one side, then the other, careful each time not to spill water into his ears. ]
Hand me the large dark green bottle.
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[ He tics off reasons on slender fingers, pausing between them to steal another drink of wine as Emet-Selch tends to the twists and tangles of his hair, then moves on to rinsing. ]
Of course it m-matters. [ A sullen sigh rushes out of him, sloping his shoulders. Viktor thinks not of lines drawn, of boundaries crossed, of where they once were and find themselves now. No, on his mind are toothless conversations, uncleared air, arguments unresolved because one or the other of them decides to make himself unyielding, impossible.
Then Emet-Selch asks for another soap bottle, and he snorts a laugh. ] Like washing my hair so much you want to do it again, aye?
[ All the same, he reaches for it, grasps the neck and then turns. There is ample room in this tub to do so, to lift himself up, barely clearing the water, and do a half spin. After a second-long moment of dithering spent wondering whether it'd be wholly unwelcome for him to jut his legs around Emet-Selch's torso, Viktor deposits himself before Emet-Selch once more, facing him this time. One curl, slipped loose, near a corkscrew for having finally been nourished with something other than bar soap, sits along the bridge of his nose. His legs, he decides to keep neatly tucked beneath him, lending him a bit of extra height. He mislikes it. The air is far too cold, and even the wine warming his face and shoulders is little help. But it will do for now. ]
Aye, and you could get my whole and true story from Lord Edmont's memoirs, or Alphinaud's letters home, or all the little reports Garlemald surely wrote about the terror stalking the woods beyond Baelsar's Wall, I am sure. [ He clutches the green bottle against his bare chest, not willing to give it up quite yet. ] Were I to visit a history book, 'twould take me two b-bells to read ten pages, and aught I'd learn, I am sure, would have been edited and s-sensationalized to pure fiction by your own hand!
[ He emphasizes that last bit with three taps of the bottom of the wine bottle against Emet-Selch's chest, then holds it out in offering, still keeping the green bottle close, like a dog with a toy. A beat of silence follows, and Viktor settles, expression softening as he studies Emet-Selch's features. ]
Why d'you think I asked, to begin with?
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What?
[ The question jars him so badly he pauses in his careful study of the curl, the itch in his hands to reach out and twirl it around his finger idly. Of course. He just uses soap. Maddening. More maddening- he thinks this is how his ex-wife felt, sitting him down and explaining the use of every single bottle. This, for skin, this for hair, this for nails, a dozen little maintenance needs, all for the perception of others. He understood once explained of course - no different than the different materials and trims to present a perception to the masses, to those they engaged with daily.
Viktor does not have the same needs, and Emet-Selch does not either, but for better or worse he's gotten used to the little comforts. ]
At risk of derailing if you are attempting an actual bath in its full completion, there are other items we use besides - [ Viktor leans, adjusts, and clasp the bottle like he thinks Emet-Selch will abscond with it. ] - soap.
As to the matter of your letters - if you struggle so, we can add that to our morning instruction. 'Tis no different than any other skillset or ability; practice is key.
[ That's not the point, he's willfully ignoring the point with each thud of the bottle against his chest, plucking it away when it's finally offered but frowning at the green bottle being kept from him. ]
Because you are insatiably curious about even the most inconsequential facts of someone's life. [ The observation is not delivered as condemnation or criticism, there is warm, low admiration as he holds the bottle, leaned back against the water-warmed stone to look at Viktor properly where he's settled. ] Because you care about these little inconsequential moments more than any person on this shard or the next. But she is long since passed on, reborn, with a new name, a new life, and the likelihood of our paths ever crossing in any meaningful way is negligible.
[ The wine bottle is settled on the lip and he reaches outward to try and grasp the bottle, but does not fight if Viktor does not allow him it. ]
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[ True enough, but beside the point and murmured as such, quiet, off-handed, while Emet-Selch goes on. Though he is, beyond a doubt, a peerless warrior, he is not so deft with his words, and he knows it. Battles, Viktor can win. Debates, not so much. Still, this matters. Ordinarily, one of Emet-Selch's other little dangled threads might've caught him, carried him off, leaving the larger topic to sit unresolved - Emet-Selch made the victor by default - but he does not permit that to happen this time. ]
Aht! [ He juts a finger forward, scolding. Then a second, and a third, as he makes his points. ] Only half right. And near a th-third wrong.
[ Though he does not let the green bottle go, he does allow Emet-Selch to grasp it. Viktor looses one hand, and as he so often does, uses it to help coax his words from his lungs, weaving sound into meaning with a flapping hand and wiggled fingers. ]
I ask, and you think of her, aye? You h-hear her a little, do you not? Perhaps not exact, but the voice that memory serves you. Close enough. [ He touches fingers to his thumb as he speaks, staring at his hand like it's helping him remember what he wishes to say. ] Each bottle, a purpose. Each soap slightly different from the others. The tink and clink of half-used bottles. Color cast by light through glass. The smell of all her tinctures, in sum, left on clothes and skin and- [ A pause, he's getting away from himself. Focus. ] What she said, it mattered to her, and then... it made sense and it mattered to you. Enough that you changed.
[ Grown tired of the cold clinging to his damp skin, Viktor shifts, sinking lower into the water as he unfolds one leg and lets it rest over Emet-Selch's thigh. The other, moved slightly to the side. ]
She is gone. Her soul cycled anew. But, here in this moment, you recall, and the she that she was and the you that you were are real. Remembered. Carried. That is why I ask. And because I want to know the name of the woman willful enough to change your mind. And because...
[ He leans a little closer, eyes on the foggy water now, unwilling to meet Emet-Selch's eye. ]
In the future. Five years, ten, maybe m-more, when we are done and the star is healed and we have friends visiting us at our little s-spring home in... Hm- in Thavnair, let's say. Maybe one happens to need use our facilities and they spy our absurd collection of little bottles and they- they decide to tease me for it. [ Another break, considering, one eye squinted shut. ] In which case it must be Alisaie or Estinien — then I will have a story to tell them, about the woman who changed your mind and then mine, as well. And she will be real again in that moment, too.
[ Viktor hazards tipping his mismatched eyes back up to meet Emet-Selch's gaze and then offers up the green bottle. ]
Here is your soap. Which is definitely not just soap, but the sequel to soap. Soap, p-part two.
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Only a third.
[ He does recall.
He'd rather he didn't. The difficulty of memory is not one easily solved; they identified and used crystals to store knowledge, but that did not solve the issue of one's own memory failing. Countless new memories overwriting old ones, the most treasured washed away under the weight of those atop. He could store as much as possible within crystals, but it was only a temporary solution.
Foolish, to be irritated at a woman long since dead, and insult to injury to know she is not really the problem. The problem is an intangible one that can't be solved with time, money, magic. ]
Lucilia.
[ He will not make this a fight, or a discussion, or some sort of attempt at a lesson on why their lives are like a candle, just a flicker of time before the next life replaces them. Wilful ignorance about the point Viktor is making is not the course of action. That, he supposes, is progress. Just like sitting here naked in the middle of a bath with company is progress of a sort. Just like the desire to touch and be touched by someone else is progress.
Gently, he fits his fingers around the line of Viktor's ankle, skimming fingers over the thin layer of skin and then further up, and makes an idle path back and forth from knee to ankle. Or, it would be idle were it not for how focused he seems on the motion, dragging his thumb along Viktor's calf to trace muscle, swirling a glancing touch over the bit of knee bared by the water. ]
Thavnair, is it? Awfully warm there. To say nothing of the dragon, with whom I think you must needs confirm my welcome.
[ The bottle ends up in his hand, but he cannot say victory is his clean and simple. Regretfully he tugs the hand tracing Viktor's leg back so he can thumb down the nozzle once, twice, and then after a considering look at Viktor's curls, a third time. Rosemary and something faintly floral are immediately evident, even if the floral notes are overwhelmed by the former. Gingerly, he rises up until he can get his knees beneath himself and reaches out to start working it through Viktor's curls carefully from roots to end, smoothing unruly curls back when they fall into his eyes. While he mislikes the cold in general, so much time in Garlemald means he bears the chill with minimal complaint, far more focused on the task at hand.
In hand. ]
Do not rinse this right away. Sit. Soak. [ Viktor's hair is countless times shorter than hers had been, and so it is not overly difficult to finish quickly, grimacing as his knees protest. Settled again in his spot, he tugs Viktor's leg back into place. Belatedly, not quite hesitant but not a declaration, foggier as he strains for the memory. ] Hers smelled of mint. Imported in frankly absurd quantities. Dried in a room I orchestrated to be next to my office.
[ Because it covered countless smells he would rather not have smelled by someone walking past. He does not point this out. ]
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[ The water sloshes as he shrugs. And the smile he offers up in exchange for the name is bright and pleased, unburdened by the weight of the day. The first genuine show of sunlight since they'd arrived on this icy reflection of home. Wildly gratifying, to have earned his answer. He can admit as much to himself.
Even better, to be touched, explored by calloused fingers. All that scholar's focus devoted to the study of skin and muscle, intoxicating. Emet-Selch's hand skirts up his leg, fingertips finding each slope and curve of sinew, glancing off his thigh as they pass up and over his knee, and Viktor does not bother to stop himself from shivering. He closes his eyes, losing himself in the motion, each pass kindling for the fire Viktor is increasingly disinterested in keeping banked low.
Oh, to know all the little details. All the people who have mattered to Hades. But. More pressing is this: to be the sole focus of all that ages old, heavy attention, to be such a distraction that a man who has seen all life has to offer cannot even pretend he wants to keep his hands to himself. Viktor relishes being as precious, as interesting, as the books and reports and odds and ends Emet-Selch is ever poring over, and tries not to pout too plainly when the study session comes to an end.
He opens one eye when Emet-Selch rises, spies the jagged outline of mottled flesh interrupting otherwise flawless skin, and decides it is his turn to learn. With his own hands now free, he does not hesitate to press greedy fingers to skin. Admiring his own handiwork, he thinks wryly, tracing the outline enjoying the warmth of the body beneath his palms. He resists pressing his mouth to skin as well, but only just. ]
Our spring home. [ He repeats, breathing in herbs and flowers. Familiar. It reminds him of his own clothes, his blankets, the inside of his pack. ] Where we will spend a few weeks when it is still miserably cold across Eorzea. Big, open windows, and a v-view of the sea. A little garden and a workshop for all your projects. Mm. [ His fingertips wander to trace the slope of Emet-Selch's waist, not grasping, just mapping his form. ] As for Vrtra, I think you underestimate how readily the people, even dragons, will forgive one who has d-done right by them.
[ He does not doubt it will be difficult, presenting the truth of things to the star. But, it will be worth it, to fight for Hades's place in this world they will have made. Perhaps, for a time, that will be his cause - illuminating all the ways in which Hades belongs, both to the people, and to the man, himself.
Emet-Selch settles back into the bath, guiding Viktor's leg where he wants it, and Viktor takes a few seconds to consider the feel of so much soap-that-is-not-soap set in his hair. He lifts a hand, lights fingers on the sticky substance run through his curls, and pulls a dubious face. Though it feels odd, the smell is nice, and he would endure the torment of sitting and waiting again if it meant Emet-Selch might slide fingers through his hair, working through tangles with a surgeon's gentle precision and shaping curls like an artist. ]
Mint. [ He murmurs, sliding a little closer, slow, testing the distance. How close can he press, before they find the new line? ] Crisp, cooling, green. Unignorable. A good scent for c-clearing one's head. Lucilia... had some good ideas. But I have better ones.
[ Like how to spend the next few minutes, waiting for this new fragrant gunk in his hair to set. Viktor tangles damp fingers in Emet-Selch's hair. ]
Kiss me.
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sorry. this tag is fadsjld absolutely insane.
EATS IT EATS IT
adventures in i do not have an icon for this
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grgfgfgk i gotta renew my sub surprise peepaw
peepaw icon kinda appropriate at least shsjshs
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that should read to *NOT allow fuck
LMAO I knew what you meant at least sob
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oh my god
EATS IT
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your bf just wants to turn himself into a quantum computer emet-selch nbd
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lmao for some reason it replied as a whole new top level??
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forgot the rest of the caps UGHHH
this is so long sobdhshhsh
FOOD FOR ME THO also sorry viktor you're dating a dick
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