no. we will talk this through. Aepymetes may've preferred to swan off in a tizzy and fail at tending to whatever nonsense he thought best, but i will not leave things unsaid. i am afraid. i am afraid of a million different things. i fear rejoining against my will. that we might snap together, that it will hurt the way it did when Dalamud fell. i fear Aepymetes's Sight. what if the weave is all i can see again? how long might it take me to get it under control? i fear how adding another thread might again affect my aether, my magic, my lilies, my body. i fear that in rejoining, i might rob some other soul here of a love that might've spanned lifetimes. i fear i might be changed too much. that i may become someone that those i love do not recognize.
[ typing. deleting. typing. deleting. ]
i fear that when you look at me, that you will ever wish that i am more than i am. i ache, wondering whether i am not enough.
your picture of existence is bigger, fuller, older than mine. different perspectives of the same thing. neither is wrong, only different. for you, this feels a simple conversation. it is not simple for me. i do not wish to stagnate, Hades. i only wish to feel safe and sufficient in my body. i will talk to this shard if i can. 'twas ever a part of traversing reflections. if they are tired, if they wish to return, i will consider it. 'twould put my heart at ease if you would be there with me when i do it. because i am terrified. [ ... ] and i need someone to tell me that it is okay to be selfish. to not pick usefulness to the star over my own wants.
no subject
i am afraid. i am afraid of a million different things.
i fear rejoining against my will. that we might snap together, that it will hurt the way it did when Dalamud fell.
i fear Aepymetes's Sight. what if the weave is all i can see again? how long might it take me to get it under control?
i fear how adding another thread might again affect my aether, my magic, my lilies, my body.
i fear that in rejoining, i might rob some other soul here of a love that might've spanned lifetimes.
i fear i might be changed too much. that i may become someone that those i love do not recognize.
[ typing. deleting. typing. deleting. ]
i fear that when you look at me, that you will ever wish that i am more than i am.
i ache, wondering whether i am not enough.
your picture of existence is bigger, fuller, older than mine. different perspectives of the same thing. neither is wrong, only different.
for you, this feels a simple conversation. it is not simple for me.
i do not wish to stagnate, Hades. i only wish to feel safe and sufficient in my body.
i will talk to this shard if i can. 'twas ever a part of traversing reflections. if they are tired, if they wish to return, i will consider it.
'twould put my heart at ease if you would be there with me when i do it. because i am terrified. [ ... ] and i need someone to tell me that it is okay to be selfish. to not pick usefulness to the star over my own wants.